The truth about weddings, I think..
Why weddings, you might ask?
Well, weddings are an almost pervasively human activity that takes on the most interesting forms in different cultures. One thing they seem to have in common, apart from tying a knot between a couple or couples of course, is that they seem to be thought of as inordinately important in a person's life, and that they are incomprehensibly expensive!
Take American movie weddings - "the most important day of my entire life" the bride says. Really?? What about the birth of a baby, and so many other important days? I just can't see why the dress (THE dress), the reception, pre- and post-dinners, flowers, tablecloths and stuff should be so important. Some weddings - think Indian, African, American - can totally cripple a family financially.
In Eritrea, north-eastern Africa, I became involved in a wedding somewhat by accident....
One day on my daily walk around Asmara, I heard the sound of a drum. Being drawn to all music, I peeked in through the gate of a home. Eritrean homes in Asmara are very private, with high walls and locked gates, so I was being very nosy and rude, one would think. But the women inside spotted me and immediately invited me inside. One woman was playing the drum, while others, at least those whose hands were free, were clapping and some were singing. When I explained how the drum called me, they picked up the singing and clapping, and brought me a mug of sewa (home brewed beer) to drink. Soon they began to dance and of course I joined in, at first to much laughter, but as I caught on, to friendly praise.
These women were in the midst of preparing many huge barrels of sewa for the wedding of a female family member. They roasted a kind of bread over the fire in a large pan, and when it was dark brown on both sides, broke it up into small pieces. These were strewn in a barrel of water, and left to ferment. Eventually the bread gets removed and a small amount of sugar gets added. It can make a powerfully alcoholic drink, or a lighter one. Along with this, the women worked through several nights of a full week to prepare food and drink.
During the same period, men of that family gather and talk about important matters, social, familial, and financial. Some of these gatherings are formal - men in suits - and others more casual.
Eventually the day of the church wedding arrived. As the wedding was scheduled for 06:30 on a Saturday morning, I was asked to be there at 5:30 to 6:00, for transport to the rather distant Orthodox Church. The bridal couple were dressed in traditional wedding gear for Tigrinya people or perhaps for the Orthodox Church, I'm not quite sure.
But still, not the end. The bridal pair have to have a smart bridal car, all done up with bouquets of plastic flowers and ribbons, and photos of the bridal couple. Graduation pictures if available.
The day after the church wedding, there is the reception and the couple and their procession dress up again, this time in Western bridal clothes - a white dress for the bride and matched colourful dresses for her entourage, and a smart suit for the groom and his entourage. Remember, everyone from both families have been up through the night at the two different family homes going through various ceremonies and discussions that I was not privy to. Now this!
About 200 grandly dressed guests arrive in the tent which covers an entire section of suburban road, and the two families face off. Older men loudly proclaim the superiority of their lineage and the others respond. It gets quite heated, although I couldn't follow everything. As more sewa does the rounds, more heat is generated in these claims. Eventually, specially prepared singers and dancers are called in to perform - very exciting dances and songs!
As the food is served, along with more sewa, people move around and renew family and friend connections and some might dance to the small band.
This goes on until the bridal couple prepare to leave, at around midnight. Then they go off to their prepared lodgings, accompanied by a younger woman who will care for them (especially the bride) for about 3 months. The couple spend most of that time in bed, doing what you'd expect them to. The bride is fed all kinds of delicate titbits, in the hope that after this period she would be pregnant.
So what is my beef about this colourful and lively pageant?
Well, the expense mainly!
The bridal car can easily cost the equivalent of US$ 500 per day. The clothing, the beautifully coiffed and hennaed hair, the hennaed feet and palms, the food and drink, the accommodation for family. All this amounts to a huge some of money in a country that is hopelessly poverty stricken. The money for such a wedding comes mainly from returning ex-pats who themselves have to save up their salaries in Europe, Canada or America to be able to carry this cost.
I'm sure it's done with love and pride, but at such a cost? Why not rather invest in the couple's future?
I'm just asking...
On a completely different cultural note - and I'm going to vary these - one of the nicest casual-Christian weddings I've ever attended was a simple affair on the beach, barefoot guests, a large candle symbolising the union being lit after extinguishing two smaller ones, and a casual talk about adjusting to living with another person. It was both grand - the beautiful breakers just outside the open-sided tent, and supremely simple.
More about weddings and music - in Namibia's north - next time.....
Why weddings, you might ask?
Well, weddings are an almost pervasively human activity that takes on the most interesting forms in different cultures. One thing they seem to have in common, apart from tying a knot between a couple or couples of course, is that they seem to be thought of as inordinately important in a person's life, and that they are incomprehensibly expensive!
Take American movie weddings - "the most important day of my entire life" the bride says. Really?? What about the birth of a baby, and so many other important days? I just can't see why the dress (THE dress), the reception, pre- and post-dinners, flowers, tablecloths and stuff should be so important. Some weddings - think Indian, African, American - can totally cripple a family financially.
In Eritrea, north-eastern Africa, I became involved in a wedding somewhat by accident....
One day on my daily walk around Asmara, I heard the sound of a drum. Being drawn to all music, I peeked in through the gate of a home. Eritrean homes in Asmara are very private, with high walls and locked gates, so I was being very nosy and rude, one would think. But the women inside spotted me and immediately invited me inside. One woman was playing the drum, while others, at least those whose hands were free, were clapping and some were singing. When I explained how the drum called me, they picked up the singing and clapping, and brought me a mug of sewa (home brewed beer) to drink. Soon they began to dance and of course I joined in, at first to much laughter, but as I caught on, to friendly praise.
 |
| Baking indjeera bread |
 |
| Enjoying a food break during preparations |
During the same period, men of that family gather and talk about important matters, social, familial, and financial. Some of these gatherings are formal - men in suits - and others more casual.
Eventually the day of the church wedding arrived. As the wedding was scheduled for 06:30 on a Saturday morning, I was asked to be there at 5:30 to 6:00, for transport to the rather distant Orthodox Church. The bridal couple were dressed in traditional wedding gear for Tigrinya people or perhaps for the Orthodox Church, I'm not quite sure.
 |
| Bridal couple |
 |
| Getting the bride ready |
There were two weddings going on at once.
They were strangers to one another, but we all sat as close possible to the actual service, since there were many other people praying aloud near the walls. After three ceremonial processions around the Ark of the church, a brief photo session outside. Then another 5 hour photosession which we were all expected to attend, from breakfast time until after lunch - some light snacks and a walk around a picturesque, photogenic park. It was a hell of a long day, especially of you don't understand the conversations. Eventually in the afternoon we headed home again. All this took place about 10 kilometres outside of the city.
But still, not the end. The bridal pair have to have a smart bridal car, all done up with bouquets of plastic flowers and ribbons, and photos of the bridal couple. Graduation pictures if available.
The day after the church wedding, there is the reception and the couple and their procession dress up again, this time in Western bridal clothes - a white dress for the bride and matched colourful dresses for her entourage, and a smart suit for the groom and his entourage. Remember, everyone from both families have been up through the night at the two different family homes going through various ceremonies and discussions that I was not privy to. Now this!
 |
| Proud families |
As the food is served, along with more sewa, people move around and renew family and friend connections and some might dance to the small band.
 |
| Friends with a full mug of sewa! |
This goes on until the bridal couple prepare to leave, at around midnight. Then they go off to their prepared lodgings, accompanied by a younger woman who will care for them (especially the bride) for about 3 months. The couple spend most of that time in bed, doing what you'd expect them to. The bride is fed all kinds of delicate titbits, in the hope that after this period she would be pregnant.
So what is my beef about this colourful and lively pageant?
Well, the expense mainly!
The bridal car can easily cost the equivalent of US$ 500 per day. The clothing, the beautifully coiffed and hennaed hair, the hennaed feet and palms, the food and drink, the accommodation for family. All this amounts to a huge some of money in a country that is hopelessly poverty stricken. The money for such a wedding comes mainly from returning ex-pats who themselves have to save up their salaries in Europe, Canada or America to be able to carry this cost.
I'm sure it's done with love and pride, but at such a cost? Why not rather invest in the couple's future?
I'm just asking...
On a completely different cultural note - and I'm going to vary these - one of the nicest casual-Christian weddings I've ever attended was a simple affair on the beach, barefoot guests, a large candle symbolising the union being lit after extinguishing two smaller ones, and a casual talk about adjusting to living with another person. It was both grand - the beautiful breakers just outside the open-sided tent, and supremely simple.
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| Taking their vows |
 |
| Wedding on the beach |
More about weddings and music - in Namibia's north - next time.....
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